Revenge of the Shit

Note to George Lucas: when the pulp novelization of your movie is better than the actual movie, you know you've made a bad film.

I am crushed.

FURTHER THOUGHTS (spoilers galore):

Let's start at the end and work our way backwards.  The end of this film tries way too hard to tie the two trilogies together and does both sets of films a disservice.  Characters state the obvious ("I will go to Tatooine and watch over the boy") and aesthetics shift ridiculously fast.  Are we to assume that C-3PO and R2D2 spend twenty uninterrupted years on the Tantive IV?  That the Imperial military uniform and Star Destroyer bridge instantaneously appeared the moment Palpatine declared himself Emperor?  No, that's stupid.  There are about ten years between Episodes I and II, and eighteen or so between
III and IV.  This is a perfect excuse to have different visual schemes between and within trilogies, and it only makes sense for the galaxy to have become dowdy during the years of Imperial rule.  We don't need to see things that are this familiar at the end of Episode III. Apparently hairstyles are genetic, too, as evidenced by the death of Leia's mother coupled with the presence of buns.

For all that is explained unneccesarily, more important factors get overlooked entirely.  I think it is of singular significance that there are no aliens in the Empire.  Maybe it was just too difficult and expensive to load the early films up with rubber characters, but by providing an inkling of the Empire's xenophobia Lucas would simultaneously explain a "defect" in the original trilogy and further develop the reasons why the Empire is so evil. The novel provides a brief but crucial moment in which Dooku outlines the future expellation of alien races; and later suggests a similar policy enacted toward droids (which makes sense, dammit: the Republic has been besieged by droid armies, this also explains the gruff "no droids" policy in the cantina at Mos Eisley). Cleverly, the Separatist leaders (save Dooku) are all aliens, so when Anakin goes to wipe them out it's more than just an end to the war, it's a hint of changes to come in the Galactic Empire. Too bad none of that made it to the big screen.

"Qui-Gon?!?"  I was worried about this scene after having glimpsed it in Matthew Stover's novelization and a comic book adaptation.  It didn't play any better in the film.  So Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan's former
master, is teaching Yoda and Obi-Wan how to immortalize themselves? Didn't we just learn from Anakin that an unnatural desire to stop death leads to the dark side? This is tonally inconsistent and comes off as such a throwaway line that it's clear Lucas never had a clear vision of what "becoming one with the Force" meant. In early drafts of Return of the Jedi, he even had Obi-Wan come back in the flesh. Funny that no one ever mentions this Qui-Gon Jinn again, though...

Lucas doesn't get the drama right in this film. The pacing is stilted (contrast to Empire Strikes Back) and critical moments come off poorly. The confrontation between the Jedi and Palpatine is over too quick and lacks intensity. Mace Windu fails to come off as the bad-ass we've been promised. Palpatine's voice becomes cartoonishly horrible when he takes on Anakin as his apprentice- this is just inexcusable. Anakin seems inexplicably conflicted even after it's become clear that he has given himself over to evil. Later, Yoda appears to be handling himself fairly well against the Emperor in the Senate chamber, but we're supposed to believe that he was trounced so badly he has to crawl to safety. I watched the scene twice (one of the few well-crafted fights in the film) and I still don't see Yoda losing that badly. He just runs. And, of course, the ultimate moment that made me sick to my stomach was the total anticlimax of Vader's black-suited rebirth. I can only hope that the DVD version will omit James Earl Jones' pathetic howl in place of silence. Ripping the room apart with the Force is drama enough; instead we get a "nooooooooo!" that's so stupid it looks like a Simpsons parody (as others have noted).

Speaking of voices, bad V/O abounds.  Frank Oz sounds *old* -- and all droids sound stupid, and not in the funny way Lucas probably intended. Why introduce General Greivous only to make him into a bumbling idiot with a bad cold and the voice of a more robust Boris Badenov? There are so many stupid jokey asides inserted that I can only believe Lucas couldn't handle the darkness this film called for and tried to alleviate that as much as possible. Instead he just sullies the heavy stuff and makes it all seem stupid. Examples? Where to start? When Windu meets the Chancellor after the opening battle, two off-screen comic alien voices squeak out "pardon me" and "watch out." To who, and why? It's stupid. Later, when Anakin is about to commit mass murder on Mustafar, we are treated to droid comedy with R2 popping out of the starfighter and a pack of little mouse droids scurrying down the hall in front of him. It's inappropriate here, just as the droid floating into the screen during Obi-Wan and Anakin's climactic showdown (which also disappointed-- with all the lightsabers flashing there were really no fights that were on a par with Obi-Wan & Qui-Gon vs. Darth Maul), what a shame that the worst film of the two trilogies had the best sword fight).

I could go on...and I probably will go on (I haven't even gotten to the plot holes)...but this is enough griping for now. Lemme know what you think.

Comments

[Tim]

Oh no. I was afraid of this. I haven't seen it yet, but people have been telling me it was good. However, I consider you a more reliable Lucas critic. Although I am still going to see it, I won't go in expecting anything except some lava and a guy in a black body suit. Poop.

[Jay Flyer]

Come on now... it wasn't too bad. It had a few holes, but all in all it was entertaining. Were the originals so much better? (besides the acting) Our standards are very high these days and they shouldn't be for such a complicated movie.

[Jonathan]

I really want to see it again in hopes that I will hate it less, but I was really disappointed, and I *wanted* to like it, so it wasn't like I went in with a bad attitude. Step one toward a better version of the film would be to kill Ben Burtt and go in and redo most of the voices.

[Jonathan]

A couple of fun facts I noticed the second time through: when Palpatine reminds Anakin about his mother and the sandpeople on Greivous' ship, buried in the soundtrack is a Tusken Raider yell. After they crash land on Coruscant and take a shuttle over to the big landing pad, watch the lower right-hand corner of the screen for a quite-visible Millennium Falcon landing. There's probably some more stuff like this hidden in the film, too.

[Crystal]

Now I understand your disappointment with the film a lot better. A lot of your criticisms seem to come from you having a much greater familiarity with (and emotional investment in) the whole Star Wars universe. So that explains why this movie ruined your life (for a weekend), whereas I, um, didn't hate it.

[Jonathan]

yeah, I suppose you're right.

[chuck]

we just got back from seeing it, and i quite liked it.
of course i willingly let my expectations get knocked down, then knocked down further, until they were a wimpering amputee, on fire.

crystal is right - you're disappointment definitely comes in part with your familiarity. i'm emotionally invested in the universe too though, and i think i'm willing to overlook details because of it? i gave it a forgivingly wide birth, but even then darth vader's frankenstein walk, followed by "nooooooo!" was simply inexcusable. i had no problem with any of the voices, except perhaps the nurse droid at the end. i just ignored the weirdly inappropriate jokey droid stuff.

i wasn't really bothered by the forced continuity with episode IV either, although i was thinking with the vader/death star scene that perhaps the passage of time was implied? because yeah, how stupid that suddenly they have the drab uniforms and the death star (though maybe they did.) i thought the scene of luke on tatooine was sweet until the very, very end. "honey, let's look at the sunset again!" i really wanted one of them to point at the suns and nod, or something.

anyway... overall i still enjoyed it, flaws and all. certainly the effects and sound were stunning. i think you're spot-on with most of your criticisms, but some little things bothered you 10 times more than me. geez... a little minor editing would make it a much better film! i'm sure somebody will get it into Final Cut and make it the film we want to see.

i really want to watch the original Star Wars now. like, immediately.

[chuck]

ADDENDUMS TO PREVIOUS COMMENT: PART 1 IN A SERIES
"i had no problem with any of the voices." oops - actually i'm in 100% agreement about Palpatine's cartoonish snivveling, then super-special-effected voice.

and just to state the obvious - boy, sure didn't take long for anakin to become evil did it?

finally, i never realized the empire was xenophobic. thank you for sharing your deep knowedge with us. it puts a bit more sticky glue on things.

[chuck]

ADDENDUMS TO PREVIOUS COMMENT: PART 2 IN A SERIES
Why did all the other Jedi fall so damn easily? I know they weren't expecting it but... blam blam - you're dead? I did enjoy the Godfatheresque crosscutting, however.

[Lorika]

Speaking of cutting, I really hated all the various gimicky wipes. The first one that caught my attention was the quadrant type one, then after that I couldn't ignore them, and there were so many of them. It was just so cheesy. Probably another example of Lucas trying to "lighten it up".

[Jonathan]

the wipes are an attempt at creating visual continuity between the two series (they did this in the first two prequels, as well), however- yeah, they were sort of over-the-top and ridiculous in this one. enough to be distracting.

I sort of liked the plot device of having the clones turn on the Jedi, but it had more impact in the book, I think. it didn't quite have the impact on the screen the way it should've, especially with the sexy woman Jedi, 'cause you're all like, "lookit dat slinky Jedi chick!" and all of a sudden she's being gunned down, but she falls a little too gently, and there's all those giant pretty space flowers around her...

[Sharyn]

And she didn't even have a weapon of any kind, which was lame. If memory serves, the rest of the Jedis who were turned against had some means of visibly defending themselves, futile though it may have been. That irked me. And the wipes were over-the-top. Just add 'em to the list, I guess.

[Lorika]

Actually, I have a problem with the female characters in general, or lack there of.

Why are there female Jedi, but they NEVER speak EVER?

And why was Padme (sp?) so wishy washy this time? All she did was sit around and be pregnant. And, she somehow had no clue that Anekin was becomming the most evil man in the galaxy? AND, why did she just die like a little wilted flower? She had NO death scene at all. We saw more in Anekin's vision. So she died of a broken heart, and doesn't give a rip about her twins? Lame!

[Jonathan]

It's pretty clear Lucas never had much of a character in mind for her, which is pretty goddamn lame. In fact, check this out, from a circa 1997 interview with Lucas published in Star Wars: The Annotated Screenplays:

"The man Leia called Father was obviously not her father. He is part of the group that ends up having to fight Darth Vader in the film that will be out in 2003 [laughs]. The part that I never really developed is the death of Luke and Leia's mother. I had a backstory for her in earlier drafts, but it basically didn't survive. When I got to Jedi, I wanted one of the kids to have some kind of memory of her because she will be a key figure in the new episodes I'm writing. But I really debated on whether or not Leia should remember her."

Uh-huh. At least in "Clones" she kicked a little ass. And certainly her daughter proves to be strong and significant in the original trilogy, but yeah, she just sorta mopes a lot in "Sith." I do have to say, though, that about the only scenes that had any emotional resonance for me in "Sith" were the confrontation between her and Anakin, then Obi-Wan and Anakin toward the end.

I also thought that with Padme and Palpatine both coming from Naboo, and the thing with the handmaidens (you know, the Queen has a bunch of nearly identical "decoys") would relate in some way to cloning, but that didn't pan out.

Of course, that stuff about Jimmy "Bail Organa" Smits is half bullshit, too. In A New Hope Leia refers to Obi-Wan as having "served my father in the clone wars." Oddly, though, we never see Leia's adoptive father doing much of anything. I think he has one line in "Clones" and here he rescues Yoda, but we never get the sense that he is in any way vital to the war effort. I guess if the Jedi serve the Senate then Obi-Wan served Organa, technically, but that's pretty weak,

There's also nothing with Organa being part of "a group that fights Darth Vader" either, which would be the seeds of the Rebel Alliance. I think there may be a deleted scene that hints at this, though. The leader of the Alliance, Mon Mothma (seen only in "Jedi") is given a credit in the film but after two viewings I still haven't spotted her, so I think that may come up on the DVD, at least.

[Lorika]

AND, why is it a big deal to Luke that his father is Darth Vader, but not to Leia? Does Leia never find out? Or did I miss something and I'm lame? I never have seen the whole first/last trilogy in it's entirety. I'm workin' on it.

"He is part of the group that ends up having to fight Darth Vader in the film that will be out in 2003"
and, why would Lucas say this? He wrote everything, and Darth Vader is her father! I'm confused. Again.

[Jonathan]

she finds out way at the end, plus Lucas is obviously more interested in male relationship dynamics in general. we've seen what happens when he tries to write a male-female relationship...