[Lubbock, New Arkansas]
The imposingly imaginary figure of one Mr. "J. Heart" (names have been drastically changed to protect the innocent and guilty alike) has become the toppled Goliath to Chork Olsun's David in a shocking drama that has spread like wildfire -- or herpes -- or that story about the spiders eggs in bananas -- throughout the entire virtual world known as "the blogosphere."
59Bloggers, a state-of-the-art, high-def documentary that's either about "the fullness of the magnificent human spirit as exhibited in blogs" or "a thousand prepubescent boys and pornwoofers" (we're not sure which) has recently been shut down by a cadre of digitally summoned incubi. As a result, Mr. Heart's sanity and apparitional investors were mercilessly stripped from him in a stunning public display, a tantrum the size of which this century had yet to set eyes upon and hoped to avoid, much like collegiate ex-lovers passing in a smoky St. Paul bar.
Fans of Mr. Heart hope that the shutdown of his recent, (un)original project 59Bloggerz, means that Coco, Dopey, Rosemary & Bigfoot, Heart's enchanting fairy tale about a mouthy young girl who gets her comeuppance, will finally get back on track (it's been stalled in pre-production since 1986). Unconfirmed rumors also suggest an expansion into the growing videogame industry, partnering with Broderbund for the exciting tie-in "Tooth Fairy vs. The Sasquatch" (available for Atari Jaguar and Panasonic 3D0).
Meanwhile, the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Office of the Attorney General report that they have recieved an unconfirmed number of letters from from Mr. Heart's basement, which were shredded along with the 10,000 other spurious disputes they receive hourly.
Mothers were astonished nationwide.