Society Dome

You Caint Always Get What You Want

Un-fucking-believable. I guess it was a miracle last year that Taylor, the man who got me invested in American Idol, won, because this year the obvious front runner who should've been an even more obvious shoe-in than Taylor Hicks, Melinda Doolittle, just lost to a frosted gimmick with no range, Blake Lewis, and an overrated, privileged Aguilera-wannabe (oh, what a role model) in Jordin Sparks.

God bless you, Melinda. Here's hopin' she does better than last year's number three, Yasmin. If frickin' Chris Daughtry could sell more albums than Hicks, if there's any justice in this world then Melinda will do similarly, but I won't count on it. Daughtry had a built-in audience in heartbroken Creed fans; what Melinda does is so much more sophisticated and wonderful, and because her skills aren't narrowly genre-defined and contemporary she may not thrive as much (not to mention LaKisha's potential fate...).

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lost: "The Man Behind The Curtain"

Initially I was disappointed by this episode: we were supposed to find out about the Dharma Initiative, more about Ben, and meet Jacob, the shadowy would-be puppeteer. Instead we got nothing other than a somewhat superficial explanation for the VW bus that Hurley found and a teensy bit of insight into Ben's character. No Jacob (not really), and no real info about what the DI was doing on the island or how they got there. And as usual, a million new questions popped up:

(1) Horace and Olivia share a pretty loaded look when Roger says his wife's name, something more "knowing" than just a concerned reaction to a woman dying. Why? There's a nice touch in there, too, when Horace asks Roger "how's the baby?" and Rogers replies "fine, I guess, I don't know." All he cares about is Emily. Emily is also the name of Locke's mother. I suspect that Dharma people and/or the Hostiles/Island Natives/Others (they need a name) have a prophecy of sorts which Ben fit and, as it turns out, so does Locke. Maybe Horace and Olivia were Others who had already infiltrated Dharma. Er...wait, no, Horace dies in the purge. Scratch that.

(2) Ben asks Richard Alpert "you do remember birthdays, don't you?" suggesting that perhaps Alpert was born naturally at one point but presumably the island keeps people alive and unaging. Obviously he didn't look any younger when young Ben encounters him in his flashback at least 30 years ago. This means that, for example, people from the Black Rock could be walking around on the island, presumably amongst the Others.

(3) Ben seems to be losing power. I had assumed Ben wanted Locke to take the tape recorder back to the camp but it's pretty clear that Tom and Alpert are not taking orders from Ben at the moment. Of course, one has to ask why Alpert would ever take orders from Ben, unless he believed him to be a very special person. Someone that he may now believe he was mistaken about.

(4) What was that line/ring of ash near Jacob's house? To a lesser extent I'm also curious about the faded painting in the house (of a dog?) and the gross jars of red and yellow liquid.

(5) Why did Alex give Locke the gun? Does she know Ben plans to shoot Locke? Or did Ben want her to do that; perhaps some lame excuse about shooting an unarmed man?

(6) Apparently the whispers are important because they've brought them back (Ben heard them as a child right before he met Alpert -- who seemingly appeared out of thin air).

(7) Here's a weird one I didn't notice the first time through: Ben says "I was born here on this island, I'm one of the last that was. Most of these people you see: I brought them here." Obviously most of the people there know that's not true. Why bother with such a bold-faced lie? I love how Locke takes him on here, calling Ben a liar and the Others idiots (even if it does come back to bite him at the end). I suppose Ben could be seen as "one of the last of Dharma that was." I do love how incredibly horrific they've made him out to be with the murder of his father and collaboration in the mass slaughter of the Dharma Initiative.

(8) Trying to get a sense of the timeline, when did "the purge" take place? Ben has hair but othewise it would seem fairly recent. So how did Inman survive the purge? Why didn't the Others know about Desmond's boat, why couldn't they get into the Pearl station? Was Mikhail also a member of DI that switched sides like Ben? He does say (in "Enter 77") that the Hostiles have been on the island for "a very long time" which would appear to be true. Also, if Mikhail is to be believed, he came to the island eleven years ago, in which case the purge happened between 1993 and 2004, unless it happened before he came to the island....too many unknown variables.

(9) There's a line for "innoculations" where the new Dharma recruits get processed. Also Horace seems pretty focused on Ben, not Roger, when they arrive. If Horace isn't an "Other" who infiltrated Dharma, then did the Dharma Initiative do experiments on children and pregnant women too? The video says Dharma is there to study "properties on this island that exist nowhere else on earth...for the betterment of mankind and advancement of world peace." Other than alleged high sperm counts and the healing/long life/possible ressurrection properties we still don't really know what that's all about. Also I'm not sure if the introduction of Apollo bars that far in the past makes any sense with what they showed us in the Lost Experience, but at this point I don't really care about that. Since Annie tells Ben "we can have as many as we want" right after he sees an adult woman getting a shot, I'm assuming that the candy bars are a sneaky way to give kids the innoculations.

(10) Why is Mikhail so freaked out about Naomi? That whole "pylons were not set to a lethal level" thing is ultra-lame, too. Blood was squirting out of his ear.

(11) So there was once a volcano on the island. Important? The rumble before the gunshots is very brief, what was it?

(12) Alpert wants to know if Ben's mother died on the island, then asks if Ben saw her in the jungle after he finds out she died off-island, and seems particularly stunned that Ben spoke to her. This would again suggest that there's something very special about these things, enough for Alpert to want to take Ben in.

(13) Is Jacob real? I was really let down by the events in the house until the third time I rewatched the scene. Other astute viewers caught a glimpse that I did not -- in one shot there is clearly a figure sitting in the chair. Now I'm interested. There is also a closeup of a frightened eye which I believe is Jacob's, not Ben's or Lockes's. Just after we see "him" there, it cuts to Locke's face, then Ben looking startled at Locke, then an extreme closeup of an eye moving from Ben to Locke:

Perhaps the biggest revelation of this epsiode is that Ben has psychic powers. Presumably the first vision he sees of his mother is not the smoke monster since he's safely within the sonic barrier. But the most concrete proof of this is in Jacob's house. After John shines the flashlight and the room starts going apeshit, the lantern falls and flames begin to spread. Watch this sequence carefully. Ben can be seen staring intently at the fire, then we see flames in front of Locke, then the flames are abruptly gone and Locke looks momentarily surprised. Ben then turns his attention from where the flames were back to the chair. The fire is never seen again and when Ben leaves the house he has the intact lantern that he hangs back up where he got it from.

As far as I'm concerned this is the first undeniable, on-screen evidence of some sort of mind-control abilities, so it makes the questions surrounding Walt very compelling again. In general I'm very excited and optimistic about the show again, especially if Locke doesn't die. The preview for season three's penultimate episode doesn't show us much except for an impending battle, and what sounds like the return of Carl, but the season finale should have some revelations about Jack (my prediction, we'll find out that he's murdered someone in the past) and potentially some major character deaths. Hang on tight.

Oh, wait- one last crazy thing. Kelly pretty much debunked my "Sayid's Hole" theory because it wouldn't make sense for him to kill Shannon repeatedly (unless, I argued, that she came back "wrong," like a zombie). Today my crazy theory is that there is no such thing as the Dharma Initiative, that the Others/Natives/Hostiles are running the show and created DI as a front to get people to the island, in search of Ben or Locke or whoever their messiah is. Dharma was based in Portland as is Mittelos, which has replaced DI as their mainland front operation. We've already seen the lengths they're willing to go to mislead people, putting on elaborate pageants, and it would help explain my Horace-as-Other confusion above. I'm pretty excited about this idea (screw the prison colony theory!) and hope I'm on to something.

Democracy Doesn't Work

If past MN Governor elections and the past two US Presidential elections weren't enough of a clue, tonight's loss of LaKisha Jones on American Idol seals the deal. The popular vote is a fucking mistake.

And, no, I don't have a better idea.

Let's hope that when I find out who Jacob is on Lost within the next hour that I'll feel a little bit better about the world. Thank goodness for fiction.

"What Is This?" = "Where Are We?"

Re: last week's "The Brig" episode of Lost. I'm still convinced Locke says "that?" when confronted with Anthony Cooper, not "Dad?" Though he treats Cooper as though he is actually his father for the rest of the episode, his first reaction is to view Cooper as a thing, not a person. His second question is "what is this?" -- which is an innocuous enough question but emphasizes the idea that Cooper is a thing, not a person. The fact that Cooper actively goads Locke and Sawyer into killing him also seems awfully suspect. So perhaps Locke's manipulation of Sawyer is more complicated than it looks. At least, I hope so, because otherwise the primary purpose of this episode is incredibly cruel. On the one hand, it more or less wraps up the long Sawyer revenge plotline (anyone else concerned about the way the flashbacks all seem to be completing characters' respective stories lately?), but ultimately, it just reduces Sawyer to an incredibly pathetic state. Since we don't know who or what is making the judgments on "redemption" on the island I fear that Sawyer will have been deemed a lost cause at this point (don't forget he buried Nikki and Paulo alive, too).

A couple of minor things before I get to my current pet theory: one, why is Sayid digging a hole? Hurley asks Sayid if he can keep a secret (re: Naomi) but I just had a crazy idea -- what if people have been coming back from the dead like Bakunin but Sayid is killing them and reburying them every time? Okay, crazy, I know. Two: we have been given our first glimpse of "the ruins," supposedly an area of the island that will come to have greater significance (and will hopefully get back to the giant four-toed statue), where Cooper is tied up. Three: Naomi says Flight 815 was found off the coast of Bali, completely in the wrong direction for a flight bound for LA. This might lend something to the rumors that the island is not in the South Pacific but somewhere in the Indian Ocean or thereabouts and that the 2004 Tsunami will play a role in the show. I've been expecting some kind of revelation like this because it also helps the presence of the Black Rock (the slave ship) and Yemi's plane make more sense.

Now, back to my theory, which will probably be wrong but I don't think I've seen it anywhere else: the island is a prison colony. In a way, the title of last week's epsiode might be an answer to Charlie's question from the pilot "guys, where are we?" A couple of reasons why I think this might be true: it explains why the Others can't procreate (why would you want prisoners to multiply?) and why it is so difficult to get on and off the island. It also partially explains why the Others are so manipulative and evil, though it doesn't really explain why they are so secretive and have super strength (a prison colony for space aliens, or angels?). I stil get the impression that they are protecting something, and I don't have any idea what that is (nor does my prison theory really jibe with that). I also think it would lend a little more depth to the otherwise jarring six-episode mini-season from last fall, in terms of having Jack, Sawyer, and Kate locked up and behind bars. In this case, the smoke monster would function as a warden, and it may be that the obsesion with "good" and "bad" is a kind of reversal, to be seen as "good" in the prison you have to prove that you can do terrible things. I think I'm not totally off-base, here.

Finally, I rewatched one of the very first episodes, the first Locke flashback. I noticed a couple of interesting things. At one of the commercial breaks, the sound of Locke's adding machine echoes over a black screen -- and it sounds an awful lot like the smoke monster. This is also the episode where Locke looks into the eyes of the monster -- so this happens to him right at the beginning. I suspect he saw more than just a beautiful white light, I think he recieved some information about what the island is about. In part this led him to his various pseudo-spiritual quests and rantings, but I think it may have also given him a slightly more concrete reason to do things like push the buttons than we previously understood. In any event, he doesn't really do anything incredibly weird or horrible until after he sees the monster. The end of the episode is creepy, though, as Locke looks at his old wheelchair and smiles, his smiling face is centered in the frame as it is engulfed by flames. Practically, the flames are coming from the fuselage which is burning, but could it be significant foreshadowing? We'll see.

I'm not even going to get into what's going on with Jack (and why does Rousseau want dynamite?). We're in a very disturbing moment on the show right now where we don't understand ANYONE'S motivations. If you haven't heard, Lost will have three more short seasons (16 episodes each) before ending. It doesn't seem like much but at the pace the show has been going and with this much total confusion (the title of the show must be a pun) it's going to be hard to sustain a compelling story. I hope they don't let me down.

Anticipation

Between Blake's cold, lifeless rendition of "Imagine" last week (I've heard a wedding band do better with it) and this week's remix horror that was "You Give Love A Bad Name," is there hope that the narcissistic bastard will go home tonight? I know he was a shoe-in for the top two or three, but I think people are going to give up on him. Also I'm happy to see Lakisha come out swinging like she wants to win this thing; she and Phil probably gave the best performances on a night which didn't promise much. Melinda is by far my favorite but this was not her night, and Jordin was just an ungodly wreck. My vote: send Chris and Blake home tonight, America! Then Phil, then Jordin, then Lakisha. All hail Mindy Doo!

Great Moments In Music History

"Nasally is a form of singing."

-Chris Richardson to Simon Cowell, 04/17/07

[I'm simply astounded that he sounds like that on purpose.]

Last week, on "Lost"

Ha ha! Kelly was vindicated; Juliet is as conniving and manipulative as ever. Now, here are some other observations about the episode "One of Us":

First: Ben lied about Rachel's cancer. She was never in remission and he did not "cure" her. When Juliet left the U.S. Rachel's cancer was in remission and she was pregnant, and after Juliet left she stayed well and gave birth. Ben forged the medical documents claiming that Rachel was going to die. He has continued to manipulate Juliet.

Second: does Juliet know that Goodwin was killed by Ana Lucia, or does she still want revenge on someone for his death? What is the purpose of her infiltration of the Flight 815 survivors?

Third: Does the submarine really get people to and from the island? Presumably it does work well enough to move the Others around the islands, but that's all we really know. Juliet conked out in a private airport (or something made to look like an airport) and woke up in a stationary submarine. We don't really know how she got there.

Fourth: WHAT is so goddamn important that Ben and the Others are willing to do so much lying and manipulating to protect? Why couldn't Juliet take a pregnant woman off the island? Why can't she be allowed to see Rachel? What could possibly be so secret? Kelly thinks the reason Ben is so dismissive of Juliet's suggestion of taking one of the pregnant Others off the island is that he knows it isn't a local effect, that it isn't an issue with the island at all.

Fifth: While admirable, Sayid's desire to question Juliet is probably moot. It's clear that they have immense self-control and a willingness to die before sharing information (see Bea Klugh and Mikhail Bakunin). Also clear is that some or all of the Others, including Juliet who has only been on the island for three years, have super strength. Ethan was ridiculously powerful and it's clear from "Left Behind" that Juliet is combat trained (and there was the vague comment about having three dislocated shoulders before). The mark Juliet left on Kate's wrist suggested great strength that she was holding back throughout that manufactured ordeal. Do they also have the power to control other people's minds? I understand we're supposed to be "wowed" by their ability to verbally manipulate and take charge of situations, but the way she disarmed Sawyer and Sayid was laughable unless she was using some kind of Jedi mind trick. It could be that Jack has been at least a teensy bit brainwashed, too. Remember how defiant he was, how hard he resisted the Others at the beginning of this season? His sudden change is too sudden, too complete. I'm hoping for something like last season when Sayid revealed that he knew Michael had been "compromised."

Sixth: Most of the "answers" Juliet was supposed to give in this episode were still probably lies. If her problem is that the women of the Island can give birth, what difference does it make if the Oceanic Flight 815 survivors can give birth? Clearly the issue isn't with the island but with those people, the Others, whoever they are. In fact, it seems like they got very little from Claire, other than a possible "in" for the exact type of infiltration Juliet is doing now. We still don't know what or who she's after, or for what reasons. If she really did have a cure for Claire's pregnancy then that would've been the end of Juliet's research and she should've been allowed to leave. And why did they kidnap all those people, like the stewardess Cindy (who says of the Others "they're not, um...it's not that simple")?

Seventh: Also, since they did implant something in Claire, is it possible that Sawyer really does have an implant (see "Every Man For Himself," fourth ep. of this season)?

Eighth: How is it that Rose's cancer seems to have healed if Ben has cancer?

Ninth: Kelly and I both weary of the self-righteousness of the Others, and Locke. I think Locke's brief interaction with Kate at the beginning of "Left Behind" was one of the most disturbing moments of the show, possibly second only to the season one finale when Walt was kidnapped.

Tenth: Since Juliet has presumably been working under Ben's orders all along, does that mean everything with Jack was a deception? Asking him to botch the surgery, the trial, Juliet's mark, all an elaborate show for his benefit? The levels and layers of lies and falsehoods seem endless, so as usual what we think we know is almost certainly untrue.

Saving All My Love For "Lost"

It may be for lack of trying, but I haven't found any kind of "Lost" online fan community that seems worth getting involved in, so, since I have nowhere else to turn, I'm going to post some thoughts here with hopes of generating some discussion. Also this is supposed to be sort of a media news/review blog so that kind of fits in (I’m paying $4.95/month for this bad boy so I might as well do something with it).

Keep in mind that I'll be discussing plot points regarding the entire series up until right now (ep. 3.14), so if you haven't seen recent episodes and don't want anything to get ruined, then here's a great big SPOILER ALERT. YOU ARE SPOILED ROTTEN. THE MILK HAS BEEN SPOILED. THAT’S A PRETTY SWEET SPOILER ON THE BACK OF YOUR NISSAN. ETC. Also I might refer to some hints that have circulated regarding upcoming episodes, so there's that additional layer of spoilerage to look out for.

Now, then.

This week's "Exposé" episode was a big departure for Lost, in the vein of the more humorous X-files episodes that verged on (or just plain were) self-parody. For me, this is kind of a disappointment. X-files was easy to make fun of because of Duchovny's stiff acting and the general silliness of his character. Lost certainly has it's share of cliches, loose threads, and other reasons to mock it, but mostly from an outsider's perspective. If you're invested in the show (obsessed?) there haven’t been any major missteps to pull you out of the story. Except for Nikki and Paulo. Gratuitously introduced in last fall's mini-season (the first six episodes of season three), most egregiously in "The Cost of Living,” exec. producer/writer Carlton Cuse ramped up interest in "Exposé" by promising "'We had a plan when we introduced them…when the plan is executed, Nikki and Paulo will be iconic characters on the show." It's not clear if he was just being a sarcastic prick or if they really have further plans for these people.

There were several troubling aspects to "Exposé" in addition to the jiggly awkwardness of these characters' introduction. One is that the character of Nikki appears in a trashy TV show called "Exposé," (in "The Man From Tallahassee" Locke can be seen watching the show - listen for references to Crystal and Cobra) but the flashbacks of her and Paulo's life also resemble a trashy TV show, only slightly less trashy than the faux-show (but certainly a lot cheesier than most of the flashbacks we've seen, which are often the most engaging parts of Lost). And their demise on the island just amps up the silliness. The whole thing feels cheap and there's no real payoff.

There were a few cute moments, but nothing to make the episode worthwhile. The creepy appearance of Ethan (way overplayed here) was sort of funny, the way they ignore Yemi's plane and the Swan hatch are sort of a good poke at Locke, I guess, but none of it was particularly clever or enlightening, and it certainly wasn't enough to, say, make you forget about the mysterious disappearance of Rose and Bernard (an underappreciated couple in the Lost canon).

I'd say the best part of this episode was the fact that they killed these characters off, but I'm at least 50% certain that this is not the last we've seen of these two, which only makes me more disappointed by the whole affair. Another reason this particularly worries me is that Damen Lindelof, as seen and heard in interviews, is clearly a jackass, and if this part of his personality is allowed to have a greater influence on the show in general, then the show is going to go in the dumps before it ends.

Now here are a couple of potential saving graces: one is the theory floating out there that the island has the power to manifest not just people's memories (“imagine a very large box…”), but the contents of books, as well. I'm not sure I buy this since clearly there were polar bears on the island before the plane crashed with the comic book, and as we've seen in "Otherville" (aka the barracks) there are LOTS of books on the island besides "Bad Twin," "Watership Down" and all the other stuff Sawyer has been seen reading ("Playpen" magazine, anyone?). It’s a strange concept and I’m not sure how it would work if it plays out.

The other idea, my own, is that "Exposé," and the existence of Nikki and Paulo are part of an elaborate gag played by the producers in response to a request from ABC that they make an effort to catch new viewers up on the plot. I think it's entirely possible that they were getting this pressure from the network (look at how "Heroes" tries to capture the character, plot, and connection complexity of Lost while dumbing it down with obviousness and incredibly repetitive, tiresome recaps). And because certain members of the creative team are playful (and maybe just a bit full of themselves) I'm sure this is a possible manifestation of their response: “let's write in these obviously made-up-out-of-nowhere characters who are flimsy, photogenic, and annoying, and have them follow the main characters around and explain everything to the audience. So funny! Ha ha!” Unfortunately since they didn't let us in on the joke it merely generated a lot of fan hostility, and now, this awful episode which makes it clear that they've taken the joke too far.

Also of slight interest is the widely circulated correlation between "Exposé" and Tom Stoppard's "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead," but just because you reference an iconic literary sensation doesn't mean that you are yourself creating one. Pehaps Carlton Cuse has a significantly different meaning for the word "iconic."

Okay, I don't want to give these fuckers any more attention. Now for a few random thoughts and wild speculations (though nothing as crazy as the bizarro theories Jeff Jensen comes up with every week).

One: at the end of "The Man From Tallahassee," when Locke is confronted with Anthony Cooper, I swear Locke says "that?" and not "Dad?" as most people assumed they heard. I've listened to this several times and I think I’m right. It probably doesn't matter all that much, though, unless the man tied in the chair really is the shapeshifting "monster" and/or Locke has the ability to see past its illusions. Also Locke's first name is Johnathan (look closely at his disability application, as well as his gun permit in "Further Instructions").

Two: the video Juliet plays for Jack in "The Cost of Living" in which she asks Jack to purposefully botch Ben's surgery was probably filmed the day flight 815 crashed, which doesn't make a whole lot of sense based on what we currently know. In any event, she is wearing the outfit she was wearing that day and it was filmed in her house. What we saw of Otherville in "The Man From Tallahassee" also shows us that several buildings are under audio/video surveillance, which suggests the strong possibility that Ben was aware of the supposed plot against him all along.

Three: now I'm straying from observations into the realm of conjecture. In the episode "Enter 77" Mikhail Bakunin (aka "the eyepatch guy") claims that the Dharma Initiative/Hanso Foundation/DeGroots contingent is completely unrelated to the group we know as The Others (later confirmed to be the truth in an official Lost podcast), although clearly some of The Others (e.g. Juliet) are not Island natives. I think as time goes on the Dharma Initiative will turn out to be more of a joke than a crucial aspect of what's going on. Producers have hinted that there is another group at work on the island, possibly subterranean dwellers, who will be more scary (meaning more powerful?) than the Others. Is the great man referred to by Ben, now known as Jacob, part of this underground group? It seems like the Others answer to a higher power that they fear, and probably one that has them operating under a strict set of rules they must obey. How much of what the Others do is at the command of Jacob (or this other group) is totally unclear, but I think that the kidnapping, the tribunal, and some set of tenets regarding “the truth” are likely coming from another source (maybe they only seem like condescending assholes?). How they are under control is not clear, nor can we know if they chose to live under this rule, or if the recruited members were made aware of this arrangement before they arrived. I suspect that our understanding and perception of the Others could change drastically by next season.

Four: so many unanswered questions, and not just the obvious ones. There have been a lot of gaps now not just in the flashbacks but in the "real time" island storytelling. We have no idea what happened to Kate after Ben's ominous portent that "the next two weeks will be very unpleasant" (in "A Tale of Two Cities"). And for me, the biggest question of all is what was Juliet so upset about at the beginning of "A Tale of Two Cities"? There is a little oddness, there, too, since her clothes change between the moment where she's looking in the mirror and when she runs to get her burnt muffins, but that may just be a continuity error. I'm operating under the assumption that it's all supposed to be happening at the same time, just a little bit before the plane crash. There's also an interesting, cut-off comment Juliet makes the moment the electromagnetic event occurs ("Here I am thinking that free will still exists...(on this island?)" which may tie into point three and the various machinations involving Ben, Jack, Juliet, the submarine, and promises made to people that they can leave.

Five: okay, let's get back to the obvious questions. What is the significance of the black and white stones (and the bodies of "Adam and Eve") found in the cave in season one? Jack took them and didn't tell anyone and we've never seen them again (though they may have appeared as Locke's eyes in Claire's dream and were thematically mirrored in Locke and Walt's conversation about backgammon during the second half of the pilot episode).

Six: What's with that goddamn four-toed statue? There are about a hundred other questions raised in the season two finale that have been lingering way too long. We still don't understand the significance of the "discharge" event surrounding the Swan hatch, the failsafe, the noises or the white/purple sky (we don't even know how Desmond, Locke, Charlie, and Eko survived), and we don't know anything about Penelope (save perhaps for the possibility that her father is connected to the Hanso foundation) or her listening station. It's pretty frustrating to have a cliffhanger that is barely addressed in the following season. All we know is that it has caused some communications problems for the Others, and that Desmond apparently travelled through time briefly (encountering a mysterious, seemingly omniscient old woman and acquiring vague psychic powers in the process).

Seven: remember the vaccines, diseases, crazed rantings of Danielle Rousseau, etc.? Is Alex really Danielle's daughter? What's with all the crashed vehicles on the island, the Black Rock, the yellow plane, Henry Gale's balloon, Desmond's boat, and who knows what else in addition to Flight 815? For that matter, where exactly IS this island? It seems increasingly likely that it's not in the South Pacific but in the Indian Ocean somewhere. Did the pilot know he was flying east instead of west?

Eight: Walt, Walt, Walt. Is he psychic? What did the Others do to him? Why did they let him and Michael go? Where did those two end up? Between them, Penelope Widmore, and whoever is making the Dharma food drops (if, in fact, they are really being dropped from a plane), it seems like a few people out there Richard Malkin, too?) must know about the existence of this island.

Nine: some other random things, like the mysterious way the rain comes and goes abruptly, how and why Dharma was doing experiments on polar bears (does it even matter or is it just to make things weirder?), what are those whispers in the trees, what in the hell is the monster, what happened to Christian Shephard's body, what was the deal with Libby in Hurley and Desmond's flashbacks, was there any point to the quarry the Others were running on the Hydra island, what’s with the healing properties of the Island, how did Kelvin Inman end up in the Swan, who, if anyone, was Radzinsky, and more than anything I want to know how and why Libby was reincarnated as a bird. It’s like when Joan Chen got trapped in that dresser drawer in the second season of Twin Peaks.

Oh, but good lord, there are still so many questions. If they’re really only planning on doing five seasons they’d better stop dicking around, ESPECIALLY if they’re going to add another whole new set of characters (first the Others, then the Dharma people, then the Taillies, then more Others, then MORE Others, plus all that Lost Experience crap which hasn’t really amounted to anything). I’m sure there are aspects of the plot that can’t be explained without completely revealing huge swaths of story, but to leave it all for the end would be disappointing (and what if we lose some of the crew before we get there, are they really going to remember to fill in every last plot hole?). I really hope that this year’s season finale gives us enough to go on so that we won’t be even more confused. Unless – god forbid – the title of the show is also the point of the show, to just totally confuse the viewers until we don’t know where (or who) we are anymore.

I’m still hoping something really bizarre and shocking will happen. For awhile I convinced myself that Charlie was really one of the Others, but that was back when I assumed that the Others were connected to the Dharma Initiative. I was sure Danielle Rousseau was, as well (would Ben really let himself get caught in a net? ). If anything significant was buried in "Exposé" , it’s probably just the stupid idea that the big villain was someone we knew and trusted all along. Well, honestly, I’d be surprised if that wasn’t the case.

If there is an overarching, coherent plot, I don’t think anyone will be able to see it coming no matter how many ideas get thrown around, so speculation is sort of moot. The writers are so many steps ahead of us that most of our guesses are based on a totally insufficient understanding of what’s happening. Congratulations on putting us all in Room 23, guys. We are your captive test subjects.

End transmission.

Consult with the Devil

Some of the best TV is happening on the web, which isn't super convenient until media servers go hi-def and (more importantly) get a lot cheaper. Check out this Liam Lynch action "behind the scenes" at the Tenacious D movie (which has, literally, the greatest website of all time). Then there are the new Battlestar Galactica webisodes linking the (fucked up) end of season two with the forthcoming third season. The latter isn't nearly exciting as the D, but it's still pretty cool. Then, of course, there's the multimedia weirdness of The Lost Experience. I would watch this video if nothing else, and this blog will help keep you up to date. Oh, and don't forget to vote in some election coming up sometime.

P.S.

Taylor won! I can't believe I watched this much "American Idol." Also: in case you haven't watched it in, say, twelve years, Saturday Night Live is actually sort of funny these days. Fortunately for my street cred, "Lost" reruns of season two begin this week, so I can pretend that I'm watching TV that's good or important or something. Hooray for peer approval! Insert inappropriate "hatch" joke here.

P.P.S. Buying speakers on eBay that you've never heard before is kind of a stupid thing to do. Lesson learned.